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They smoked weed in their parents’ houses with abandon. If they wanted me, I thought, it was because I seemed free like them.

Later, I tried to convey how hurt I was that he didn’t say anything, but he didn’t seem to understand how bewildered I was.

It felt different this time, like the flirtatious version of the “black nod” at work — an acknowledgement between two black employees who might not even know one another, but who have a shared experience.

What I’m craving right now from a partner — more than feeling beautiful, more than anything — is a “black nod” version of a relationship.

” before heading for the door, but instead, I sit down, and continue talking about which dystopian novel best describes our current predicament, or whatever.

Even if I did want to talk about how I feel, I’m not sure I’d be able to articulate it, especially to someone with such a different frame of reference from my own.

During a bathroom break or a trip to the bar, I’ll check my phone, and almost always there is a news alert telling me Donald Trump is attempting to curtail, or has just succeeded in curtailing, the rights of marginalized people in America.