Sex chat obsession
If they are fortunate enough to escape this particular piece of the conditioning and continue to have equal relationships with girls, they are quickly marked as “sissies” and called “girls” themselves.Loving or tender relationships with other boys get them similarly marked as “faggots” and put them in danger of violence and being ostracized.Being scared is yet another thing boys are told threatens their maleness.They are expected to leap into any activity, no matter how dangerous or unfamiliar, without appearing fearful.
They breed fear of other people, even of the others within our group, with whom we also must compete for rank.
This is very different from the nurturing ease and satisfaction of a mutual, equal, fear-free relationship.
A systematic enterprise of denied contact, humiliation and name-calling, being ostracized, sexist conditioning, homophobia, competition, and training for violence leaves boys more and more on their own. Isolation is a piece of the heritage of our conditioning as boys that we carry with us into our manhood.
All babies are considered okay to smooch and squeeze and hold close, female or male, but when they get old enough, boys stop being held and cuddled and stroked.
If they reach out to adults for intimacy, we refuse them in the name of “self-sufficiency.” Though this promotes independence, it does so at the cost of intimacy.
Isolation is one of three primary factors in our early conditioning that later leaves us vulnerable to sexual obsession.